


Time to Turn Back

by wehavefound



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: COVID 19 mention, F/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:55:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27178873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wehavefound/pseuds/wehavefound
Summary: The house was intolerable these days, the constant storm of fear and despair and desperation was enough to drive him to madness. Never mind that it was like sandpaper on his skin over and over with no blessed escape of sleep to ease the noise and stress and confusion. When Jasper is overwhelmed he seeks refuge in the sanctuary of the forest and when Alice comes to soothe his panic he knows it for an act of love.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19
Collections: Jalice Week 2020





	Time to Turn Back

**Author's Note:**

> Jalice Week Bonus Day: Quarantine! this work does mention the current COVID 19 virus so if you don't want to hear about it (i know i know, who does?) keep that in mind!
> 
> With this I am officially DONE with Jalice week and can catch up on all the amazing other pieces that have been posted!

Jasper loved it here, amongst the ferns and leaves, amongst the small spring flowers rising towards a seldom seen sun. There were no footprints here, no broken branches hinting at what might have traversed this path. No alarming scents, vampire or human, to draw his attention. Only a gentle breeze, the soil damp and fertile beneath his bare feet. Soothing. Quiet. A forgotten corner of the universe.

He so loved finding these hidden treasures of the earth. Loved the richness of the soil and the smatterings of native wildflowers that formed a beautiful carpet. Loved feeling only his own emotions and the vast fullness of life that grew around him.

The house was intolerable these days. Edward, predictably, had been spiraling out of control with each news alert that blared at top volume. Bella was frustrated, held semi against her will by Edward whose erratic behavior had only been encouraged by Carlisle. The golden child could do no wrong after all.

Never mind that the constant storm of fear and despair and desperation was enough to drive him to madness. Never mind that the television was always blasting, notching up Bella’s fear with each new footage of the carnage happening. Never mind that it was like sandpaper on his skin over and over with no blessed escape of sleep to ease the noise and stress and confusion.

He was in the forest a lot these days. Of course he was expected to soothe the fear and worry Bella held so tightly and he did, for she was young and it would be cruel to expect her to not be afraid. The instinctual fear of sickness did not care that she was promised the ultimate cure should she ever fall ill. It was Edward whose actions were inexcusable and who drove him to despair alone in the woods. The circumstances of one’s turning left its mark no matter how long it had been and so the boy fretted constantly, terrified for Bella at all moments.

He hoped Bella would not be turned in the midst of this. She was a counterweight to Edward’s constant depression and he feared they would not be so happy were she to die filled with so much fear and uncertainty as her mate constantly encouraged. He couldn’t take another Edward for eternity, sweet as his new sister was now.

Not that his pity for her could compel him to stay in the house longer than was necessary. Rosalie and Emmett were off somewhere, helping wherever they could to deliver supplies and money to those in need. Esme was doing the same here in Forks and while necessity forced her to return to the house often to avoid suspicion, she spent most of her time longing for Carlisle, who was spending days at a time at the hospital and pretending to sleep in a spare room. They could only handle so many doctors out sick after all and he was happy to fake exhaustion if it meant more patients could be helped. He was flirting the line but then, there was not much the terrified and understaffed hospital wouldn’t chalk up to his youth and the presumption that he was used to such hours from his med school program and residency.

Alice herself was no exception to the stress in the house hold, constantly cycling between Bella’s health to Carlisle’s coworkers suspicions to evaluating how close Jasper was to the first complete nervous breakdown in vampire history. How he longed to have her beside him here in this peaceful patch deep in the national park, how he wished she could be cradled within his arms.

It was just too much, despite his love for her. He couldn’t take one more moment of negative emotion sawing at his brain, one more newscaster reading out increasing death tolls. Even the feeling of the grass on his bare feet threatened to turn distracting if he had to listen to even five more minutes of his family moping about something that was outside of any of their control.

How had he done this for so many years? When he was first turned he had known no better, thought that the constant overwhelming chaos was as inherent to vampirism as the thirst for blood. A nightmare only escapable by death and he was not so far deranged as to go willingly into the night. Now that he knew the sweet enjoyment of a joyous environment, the pain seemed far less tolerable, more grating for the years spent without it.

He stayed there for hours. In time the dragonflies returned, darting far above where he lay. In time the noises of life began to return a cautious distance from where he lay still curled in the ground. The clouds moved slowly on this rare day where the sun could peak forth and the wind brought new scents and the earth moved so slowly it felt as though he could breathe once more, as though his skin was not so raw.

It was almost sunrise when she came for him, her emotions a clean crisp of nothingness. She had been meditating he knew, eyes closed, visions focused only on the small details around them—the movement of blades of grass, the flight of a ladybug. It took her years to master the art of centering herself and so each time he felt her peaceful nothingness he knew it for an act of love. It was hard for her, difficult to tune out any visions. Harder still to maintain it when she was alert and moving once more.

But she was here and the glorious blankness of it all was a welcome relief. It was so very heart wrenching to be away from her and so he settled his head in her lap happily as she sat. The feeling of her light fingers combing through his tangled hair seemed to pull him back into the real world most delightfully. He could breathe once more, this part of his soul returned to him.

She held the blankness there for hours, letting it slip way to love only when she knew the feeling would be pleasant instead of overwhelming. She knew him well, relying not on her visions which might spark some sudden change of emotion, but only upon decades of shared history grown close.

They stayed together for a full day, reveling in the solitude together. With each lingering brush Jasper was reminded of the years they had spent together before they sought out the Cullens. They had lived like this for decades. Alone, learning each others bodies and hearts. Learning to eat animals instead.

He would not trade his family for the world, the bonds of genuine love he had grown worth more for the decades he had been deprived, but as she tugged him to his feet and they prepared to return home he was reminded of the most fundamental truth of his existence.

Alice was all he needed.


End file.
